You have all been privy to the various posts that have appeared on the Pre-IGCSE blog since starting this virtual classroom. I am sure that you are considering how all the posts are interconnected as they may seem quite random to you. Everything in English is ALWAYS related; it is HOW and WHY you make the connections that allow for ease of understanding.
So what does punctuation have to do with words banks? And what do work banks have to do with Poetry and what do grammar rules have to do with any of this in general?
Let me tie up the pieces
In order to WRITE well, you need to be equipped with the TOOLS with which to accomplish the task. You will be very aware of the fact that, unless, you use punctuation correctly you could create nuances in meaning when writing that have far reaching consequences; If your punctuation is incorrect you meaning can be SKEWED and not as you intended
Who would have known that this is what you can do with punctuation?
On a more serious note, the reason that we learn to use and apply all punctuation appropriately and with consideration is that it DOES make us better writers. Please get into the habit of practicing it daily!
In addition to the four posts on punctuation you were required to derive a DESCRIPTIVE sentence using a strong word bank for the picture of the tiger. The exercise (there will be many of these) has a three-part function: 1) the opportunity to practice punctuation 2) growing your vocabulary and 3) creating mood and atmosphere. Mood and atmosphere…huh? What is this? Mood and/or atmosphere is the terminology specifically associated with DESCRIPTIVE writing. In order to adhere to the techniques of a descriptive style, a prerequisite is the ability to use words to create a mood. So what does this mean? Basically mood is what we feel, thus if I post a picture such as the tiger, I want to FEEL (if I close my eyes without looking at the picture) the image that you create with words. Hence, if the picture is an image of ferocity I want to FEEL with the use of your words the FEAR captured by the ferocious image. We can feel in a number of ways: We can see it (sight), we can hear it (sound), we can smell it (smell), we can taste it (taste), we can touch it (touch). These are all SENSORY abilities and they allow the opportunity to FEEL. Therefore, most descriptive writing is sensory. It can be literal or metaphorical depending on the INTENTION, for example, one can smell fear, fear can smell like danger and so forth.
And let me add the words of others also!
The most proficient writers try their utmost NOT to make descriptive statements; these are merely explanations not descriptions. It is one thing to state something and another to create a mood or feeling by using words to paint a picture. Thus, your INTENTION is always to create, not to tell – you will be given the opportunity to tell when writing narratives.
Think about the impact of this picture below:
Powerful isn’t it? What mood has been created? How do we know this? Think about the words and the pictures together. What can we see? What do we feel? What does wiping away a tear feel like? How does this effect what we can possibly hear? The INTENTION is to create a MOOD that transmits an IMAGE that we will remember. It does NOT require a story. Only a mood.
Task for the picture: Describe the little boys face vividly in two DESCRIPTIVE sentences. Capture the mood. (Do not tell me what the picture is about, I know what it is about, I want to be able to close my eyes and see the picture you have created without there being a picture.)
And finally, how does all of this relate to your ability to indicate to me what a poem can mean? Basically it is simple: If you can write with ease and proficiency and create your own mood and intention and meanings, it becomes far easier to ‘’see’’ the mood and intention and meanings in others writing, no matter who the writer is!
phsycodragon said:
As the knives of insulting words kept on stabbing the tortured infant, the pain streamed from his eyes. Fear gripped him by the throat, depleting him of any retaliation.
BronwynA said:
Hi Dehan, i like the image, let us simplify though:
Knives of insulting words kept on stabbing and stabbing and stabbing….pain streaked from his eyes as fear yet again gripped him by the throat depleting any thought of retaliation.
Note the effect of repeating stabbing, you could have repeated again and again and again as opposed stabbing should you have chosen to – it would have depended on where you wanted to emphasise the impact of meaning…
I like it indeed! – good full image and mood captured. if i close my eyes i can feel the words stabbing him and i can feel his thoughts of bravery and retaliation immediately replaced by a fear which seem to strangle him… -If i can decode your text as i just have – basically transmit the meaning back with similar intent as when you created it – it is a good solid descriptive image. Good!
Zene said:
The lugubrious boy is throttled by the hurricane of jolting, destructive words. The frail, doleful heart is paralysed by a forceful gripping fear.
BronwynA said:
Hi Zene, i do the way in which you had clearly written a simple sentence and then did dictionary work to enhance your image, well done! A word on this though: Sometimes the most simple writing is the most effective and on the converse sometimes the most sophisticated words best capture an image. In the case of your sentence – i would have been cautious using lugubrious – it is what we refer to as a ‘weighty word’ in English, it is heavy in that it contains a meaning not always identifiable to all; also the association of the word is usually connoted to physical death and the sorrow and grief thereof. Watch what happens when i play with you sentence a little, remember we need to achieve an effect on the audience and still capture the message contained therein:
Jolting, destructive words throttle the innocence from once bright eyes; now only stained by paralysed streaked tears of the gripping fear…
Very well tried though!
Iwan said:
A wretched is smothered by a clinching fist of destructive words. His tearful face transmits an incurable emotion of sorrow and distress.
BronwynA said:
Iwan, ”clinching fist of destructive words” is very good…how about simply: A life destroyed by a clinching fist of destructive words. A face forever streaked by sorrow. (Yes, it actually that simple!)
Jaco said:
Pain stricken the poor child tries to fight the tears as the fist clenches him. The battering insults are going beyond his limits.
BronwynA said:
Hi Jaco, please try to avoid writing in the passive voice if you can. You could have written this very simply as such: The pain stricken child (thus creating an active description of the child) fights the tears of a clenched hand (a fist cannot clench someone – an open hand can – do ensure your sentence makes sense!) What d you mean by going beyond his limits – be more specific – what are his limits? What about: The battering insults striking beyond the flesh. (?)
gerhardvdb said:
An agonizing sight, grasped in a harmful world of suffering. Suffering from intolerable damaging expressions of hate and disbelief.
BronwynA said:
Hi Gerhard,
Shuffle your sentences about a bit and try again, start with: The damaging expression of hate and fear sung by salted tears…(now you try finish it with your words as already used)
andreaventer said:
A poignant, distressing, heartbreaking image of a miserable boy in distress.This sad, frightened boy’s eye’s are filled with misery and anxiety as the words choke him.
andreaventer said:
Hello Bronwyn,
you seem to have missed my answer.
BronwynA said:
Hi Andrea, which answer for which post. If the comments are NOT posted directly on the correct, then it may happen that they in the comments – i log on to the blog and go through the comments under each post – please check that have posted it correctly or alternately redirect me to the post which you commented on and i will most definitely comment on it.
BronwynA said:
Hi Andrea, you are telling mostly as opposed describing. Also try avoid three adjectives running concurrently after each other, and if you do these must be effective, not just part of a list that TELLS or SHOWS. What happens when you do this is that you you tend to create fuzz in the readers image that you are attempting to evoke. Also by specifically stating the word image – you lose the FEELING oof the image. You must create a feeling, not TELL what you observe.
Choking words unleash their vile grip, squeezing more still distress from an already tear etched misery… or something to this effect – the reader wants to FEEL the image and ”see” it in his/her mind, not be told what is being seen.
carinajoubert said:
Harsh words that was choked him, draws tears to his eyes and leaving him with forever scars to his spirit.
BronwynA said:
Hi Carina, you are doing what we refer to as code switching:; basically this means you are changing the code with which we grammatically write English correctly. Your sentence should CORRECTLY read as follows:
Harsh words choked him, drawing tears to his eyes and leaving his spirit scared forever.
OR
The harsh word that choked him drew tears leaving his spirit scared forever.
Beware of sentence construction errors ans especially errors of tense.
gerhardscheepers07 said:
This little tear stricken boy that has been covered with insults. A feeling of hopelessness welling over the victim, like a tidal wave of emotions, a feeling that no one loves, or even cares about him.
BronwynA said:
Hi Gerhard,
Please be V E R Y AWARE OF PUNCTUATION: Can you indicate to me where the CORRECT punctuation (parenthesis to be exact) should be inserted in the first sentence? and then why? (give me a reason) And yet again in the third sentence – where is the appropriate semi colon missing and appropriate.Just by sheer incorrect punctuation your sentence have lost all the meaning you are trying to invest in them. Re-punctuate PROPERLY and re post.
gerhardscheepers07 said:
Bronwyn,
I understand that due to the punctuation, the sentence does not make any sense. Unfortunately I cannot find any place to insert the parenthesis in the first sentence, however if the sentence is extended a little bit there is a place for it as follows:
This little tear stricken boy (that has been covered with insults) looks at you with eyes pleading for mercy and forgiveness. A feeling of hopelessness welling over the victim, like a tidal wave of emotions; a feeling that no one loves, or even cares about him.
The rule that supports the parenthesis in the first sentence is; to use in pairs to set off a strong or weak interruption.
lizbekuhn said:
The little boys face was full of sadness and disappointment. In the tears streaming down his face, you could see the scared and frightful look in his eyes. By looking at him, you could see the hopelessness and the sorrow in his tears. His self image was broken. The hatefulness overwhelmed his heart and he felt his reasons for existing fading away.
BronwynA said:
Hi Lizbe, you are making statement NOT creating mood no atmosphere – basically, you are TELLING as opposed painting a picture with words that creates a feeling.
Please take the following word bank and rewrite your piece CREATING AN IMAGE – not merely telling me what is clearly evident:
Sad/sadness
disappointment
scared
frightful
sorrow
hopelessness
hate (not hatefulness)
existence fading away
lizbekuhn said:
Sadness and disappointment was written all over his face. Feelings of utter hopelessness caressed the hate that was growing in his sorrow heart. Scariness robbed him from his will to survive and he felt his reason for existence fading away.
Mia Kuhn said:
Tears of sadness dwell over the little fellow’s face in despair. His whole world had suddently changed with all the emotions and horrifing words, sinking in. Bitterness was floating in the poor little guy’s head, a firm grip was choking him with utter insensitivity.
BronwynA said:
The word ”fellow” is inappropriate in context – can you tell me why; as it ”poor little guy’s” – i want to know from YOU why both of these are inappropriate within the context of the image to words?
I do, however, like your sentences and the way in which you have evoked the image.
Mia Kuhn said:
I realise now that the words “fellow and poor little guy’s” diminish the sincerity of the victim’s situation. “Tears of sadness dwell over the little boy’s face in despair.” “Bitterness was floating in the poor child’s head,”
David said:
The hurt within is a choking insult in this world of heartbroken loneliness. Overpowered by darkness and pain your words buzzing with rejection and misery, shattering all hope. . .
BronwynA said:
Lovely metaphor on opening. And further imagery correlates well to this – except the word ”buzzing” please find an appropriate verb that fits the context of the metaphor and image you have created.
Well tried and a sound (as in good!) structure which i like.
David said:
Hi David, Indeed you can, much better…do you see how it fits context now?
Dear Bronwyn
Will the verb ”stinging” be more appropriate?
Kind regards, David
On 3 March 2013 12:34, Pre- IGCSE English – CL Ed wrote:
> ** > BronwynA commented: “Lovely metaphor on opening. And further imagery > correlates well to this – except the word ”buzzing” please find an > appropriate verb that fits the context of the metaphor and image you have > created. Well tried and a sound (as in good!) structure whi” >
bluemoonrider said:
Painful tears etch the hurt into his innocent young cheeks. He bravely tries to stop his quivering chin from betraying his anguish.
BronwynA said:
Excellent imagery and personification on opening. The second sentence correlates well to the first thus further enhancing the opening image of the opening sentence. Well done Erin, consistent pattern of words to sentence structure correlation use.
farhaanahomeschooling said:
The tears in the young boy’s eyes show deep sorrow and that he is in pain. His face shows that he is verbally abused (by words in the hand) and this means words can hurt us leaving us sometimes unable to defend ourselves.
BronwynA said:
Hi Farhaana, you must capture the image so that when one reads your words the picture appears in the reader/audience’s mind. You are TELLING what you see, not describing what you feel. This is the difference between writing to tell, which is mere observation – it does not evoke a mod. it merely tells of something that already exists. You need to CAPTURE the PICTURE in words to create IMAGERY, not TELL what you see. lease review descriptive writing and understand how to effectively work with SENSES. Please try again.
paulz10 said:
A young child’s eyes fill with tears and cascade down his cheeks. The continual verbal abuse tightens its grip and eats away at his soul.
BronwynA said:
Hi Paula,
Look at this if i use your word bank.
The cascading verbal abuse tightens its grip. Not even tears can release the stranglehold on his soul.
Can you see the difference in mood and atmosphere and imagery. Tell me what it is?
lehlokoel33 said:
A man of the jungle who is the most strongest men in the jungle of cougar jungle,and can never be defeated by anyone.Can carry anything that is much more heavier that any strong object
Carla Kotze said:
Damaging words hurting the terrified, gloomy child. A miserable face, frightened by the sound of harmful words.
ruben1999 said:
The transparent grip, brutality disconnecting him from his very being. Leaving him “rootless”, vunerable and alone.
ruan2013 said:
Suffocating words bully the fearfull child.
Tears ran nonstop down causing a wet road.
Carla Kotze said:
Hello Bronwyn
You have also seemed to miss my comment on discribing the boy’s face. I posted it in the comments on March 6th.
ebencoetzee1 said:
The doomed boy had tried to break away from the insulating words that is keeping him in an awful place, but he is still young and weak so unfortunately he is trapped. The only thing that he is capable of doing now, is to cry and hope that his tears will bring him some comfort.